THE BOB & TOM SHOW

"I don't know why people say quitting smoking is so tough. I've done it four times."
- Jake Johannsen

"I'm giving up the gym and snakes for lent."
- Bob Kevoian

"My wife taught me how to be the alpha male."
- Migeul Washington

"If love were easy, there'd be almost no music.
- Jake Johannsen

"Engineers consider me a success because I got out of the business."
- Don McMillan

"Cubans can make anything float."
- Angel Salazar

"While I was on the cruise ship I made a joke about Strom Thurmond that none of the audience got. I figured out it's because they were before his time."
- Randy Lubas

"Do you think illiterate people ever walk out of Arby's disappointed that they don't sell giant hats."
- John Evans

"Could the oven filled with exploding bullets also be called a firing range?"
- Bob Kevoian on the dumbass who put ammo in his oven

"How much do you have to hate your wife to go ice fishing."
- Bobby Slayton

"If I can break up one couple during my act, I feel as if I've done my job."
- Bobby Slayton

"If someone like Ted Kennedy goes into Burritos as Big as Your Head, do they have to work double time?"
- Mike Toomey

"It's not about me being more right, it's about you owing me $100."
- Tom Griswold on his bet with Chick

"Richard Hatch doesn't have all that much that has to be matrixed out."
- Jenna Morasca on her fellow castaway's manhood

"I think we fight more when Bob's away... I like that."
- Chick McGee

"There are about 10 reasons why you wouldn't want to ski naked."
-Tom Griswold on the new sport

"I was sentenced to AA on television which I think blows that second A right out of the water."
- Paula Poundstone

"If it wasn't for not being able to run, throw or hit a curve, I could have made it to the majors."
- John Caponera

"I can't cook to save my life but I can sure hit a drive-thru."
- Gabriel Eglesias

"I've noticed that the older you get the more naked you have to be in locker rooms."
- Kyle Cease

"I was in a motel that was so bad that instead of a copy of the bible, they had a copy of Dante's inferno with a not that said 'you are here'."
- Tim Cavanagh

"Nothing parties like someone else's bed."
- Bob Kevoian

"Is your job today to go down unfunny lane?"
- Tom Griswold to Chick

w w w. b o b a n d t o m . c o m

Russian Roulette Anyone?
Most comedians claim to have come from bizarre backgrounds, but “Wild Bill” Bauer is proof positive of what can happen when you grow up around unstable relatives. A brilliant writer with a unique and manic delivery style, Bauer combines his bizarre observations and strange personal tales into a comedy act that is hilariously shocking and a lot like an episode of Jerry Springer. Known to the BOB&TOM community as the guy with the uncle who plays Russian Roulette, Wild Bill Bauer is one of the few guest comedians who made an appearance on BOB&TOM's Greatest Hits Vol. 1 album.

From East Texas to Outer Space
Stephen Root has shown through his body of work that he is one of the best character actors in the business today. In the underrated series NewsRadio, Root captured the essence of an eccentric billionaire, as the crazy station owner Jimmy James. On the other end of the radio food chain, he played the blind station manager in the movie Oh Brother Where Are Thou? Most people will recognize Root's from his role as the mumbling, stapler loving, revenge seeking, loser Milton in the movie Office Space, but after hearing him speak, it will be hard to see him as anything other than Bill Dauterive from the FOX animated series, King of the Hill. This season, Root add another animated series to his credit when he stars as Chode in the new SciFi Network cartoon Tripping the Rift which premiers Thursday, March 4th.

He Doesn't Need Steroids to Be Funny
Comedian Dan St. Paul has become a legend among listeners of the BOB&TOM show even if they may not realize it. If we had to choose the most frequently asked question we receive each day, it would have to be "who does that bit where Jesus is playing baseball," (or some variation of that). The answer of course, is St. Paul. His biblical baseball game pieces rank among the most highly sought after bits in the show's history. That's why the entire trilogy was featured on the album Wild About Harry, which was released back when the Cubs still had a shot at winning the World Series... thanks a lot Bartman. The first installment of the three, The First Baseball Game even inspired this animated short.

Sweeney-San
If you ask him, or check out his media kit, Mark Sweeney will tell you he's a "professional comedian," even though his credits also include acting roles in Boston Public, The Visitor, and Days of Our Lives. Along with those TV hits, Sweenz has also starred in several independent films which leads us to believe he's done a lot of porn). The four years he spent in the US Marines were either forgettable or he just can't remember them, but he does recall that at some point he went to college, worked about 12 jobs in four years and has been on the run from the student loan collectors ever since.

Keeping the Waltrip Name in Racing
Following in the footsteps of his older brother, Winston Cup Champion Darrell Waltrip, Michael began racing go-karts in the Midwest in the late 1970s and early 80's. He entered the ranks of the stockcar racers soon after and began winning championships of his own. In 1988, Waltrip joined the NASCAR Busch series as a driver, where he also added the title of car owner to his name. In the late 90's and early 2000, Waltrip got the call from racing legend Dale Earnhardt to drive the NAPA Monte Carlo for his DEI racing team. Though He's raced both series during a single season, this year Michael is racing exclusivly in the Nextel Cup Series (formaly known as Winston). This includes the upcoming Las Vegas 400.

Comedy With Heart
Comedienne Patti Vasquez is more like a close personal friend sharing humorous stories than she is joke teller while up on stage. Call her act comedy with heart or call it hysterically funny, Vasquez entertains audiences with her charming perspectives on politics, relationships and growing up in an Irish-Mexican-American family. Along with her storytelling, Patti keeps her crowds entertained by pointing out the comedy in everyday events and life situations that everyone in attendance has found themselves in at one time or another.

FACTOID - Patti is a dedicated supporter of breast cancer awareness.

Jackson Perdue
Though the name might be reminiscent of you last trip to the grocery store, Jackson Perdue is a comedian, not a frozen chicken breast. And though we like one just as much as the other, Jackson edges out the poultry product in the comedy category. He is among the favorite standup acts in Vegas, and spent time overseas entertaining our troops. If you're not in the armed forces, you may have seen him on the Playboy Channel as well as Entertainment Tonight.

The Gunfighter Comedian
Auggie Smith, a 12-year veteran of comedy stages, is lovingly referred to as "the rant master," and not just by close friends. How does one go about receiving a clever name such as this? In Auggie's case, it has to do with his enthusiastic, rapid-fire, seamless stream of manic rants in his comedy act. Tackling every thing from Barbie Dolls to serial killers, Auggie's act often slips over to the dark side of political incorrectness with ease. But it's all good… as long as his hysterical rants continue to leave audiences breathless with laughter. It sure worked on us the last time he was here. We learned Auggies' got strong feelings about smoking, doesn't like Bed Bath & Beyond, and grew up in Montana as a Gunfighter. Check out the free audio to find out all about it.

FACTOID - When Auggie Smith was invited to perform at the Montreal Comedy Festival, the organizers were so impressed they included him in 3 different showcases: New Faces, Dangerzone, And the Nasty Show.